User Profile

To begin, if you haven't noticed from the title of my journal, my name is Paul. I grew up in the small community of Mannsville, KY. Mannsville is one of those places where everyone knows everyone else. I attended the local elemantary school until I had to go to middle school. Mannsville Elemantry was only 2 houses from where I live, and it saddens me to say that it closed a few years ago. Since my youth, Campbellsville was the place to go for anything. It's not a large city by any stretch of the imagination, but it is the biggest city in the surrounding counties.

Since I lived in the county, I attended Taylor County High. I was never popular in high school. In all honestly, I kept to myself a lot and avoided most social interation. I was never one to try to be well known or make a lot of friends. I had a handful of friends that was, and some still are, gennerally there for me. Despite that I never tried to stand out, I became the odd ball of my high school my sophomore year. It was during this time that I finally came to terms with who I am and I decided to come out. The proof of my identity was always there, but I always rejected it until this point. My sister, Bridgette, was the only member of my household to ever know that part of me.

Since my mother's death on December 27th, 2004, my family life has steadily gotten worse. I consider Bridgette the only real family I have. My dad has relentlessly attempted to become close to me, but I refuse to let him close. I just find this sudden change of heart as forced, and I want nothing to do with it. I actually have 4 sisters and 2 brothers, but Bridgette is the only full sibling I have. All but my brother, Tristan, were grown and had kids of their own before I was born. I do not know them well, and to be honest, I dont really care to get to know them...its been too long and I have become accustomed to just Bridgette.

My friends are very important to me, but they also cause me a lot of grief. One of my desires is to have one good friend that I could count on no matter what. So far I dont feel like I have come across this person, but there are a few people that I feel could be this person. Throughout my life my base of friends has been changing. There are only a couple of people that have been my friends for several years. I hope these friends and I stay close in the future, but it has been my experience that time pushes people away. I am a shy person and that has caused me to miss out on meeting many interesting people. Throughout the past few years, I have gotten more open and trusting of people.

My poetry and my journal are all I really have left that define who I am. My poetry and journal are both truly me, and that can never be taken away. I have never been an avid reader by any means, so I find it ironic that I enjoy writing so much.

I have lived a pretty ordinary life. Nothing spectacular has ever happened to me. I have been able to travel some, and I really enjoy it. In the summer of 2004 I was able to fly to Rome, Italy and Paris, France. I know I have not done as much traveling as most people, but still many people have not had the oppertunity to go overseas. I love the fact that I was able to go, and I will never forget the experience. Other places I was able to travel to include Washington, DC; St. Louis, MO; and NYC, NY. Some day I will visit Chicago, LA, and Seattle, as well as other major cities.

Currently I attend Lindsey Wilson College in Columbia, KY. It is a smaller place than Campbellsville, but I am used to the smallness. I actually find the smallness and quietness of Columbia quite pleasing. I am not an exciting person, so I enjoy the lack of bustling masses. I find the atmosphere of LWC campus life to be refreshing and relaxing. Many people complain of the lack of activities, but it suites me just fine.

My future is incredibly fuzzy. My dreams have shiften over the years from many different things. I once wanted to be an aerospace engineer. Then I wanted to be an architect. Later, and more recently, I have wanted to own my own game shop. I have also, within the past year, discovered my aptitude for giving massages. Massage therapy was a possible career choice at one point, but now I have no idea what I want to do. I am horrible when it comes to making up my mind, and procrastination is one of my biggest weaknesses.

I am a nostalgic person, and that causes me many problems. Some things I just cannot get over, no matter how much time has passed. I also dont believe that I will ever truly grow up.

My life has not at all been interesting, but it has made me the person I am.

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